i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
