If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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