I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
