I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
