Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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