I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
