just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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