I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Randomize
