my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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