I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
