i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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