And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
