My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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