Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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