Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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