Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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