Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
