They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I need a beard to bite.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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