Where did you get a picture of my penis
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
