I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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