I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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