Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Still dying that you shit outside
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
