o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
