Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize