I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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