Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
So. Much. Porn.
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