This girl is more easily done than said...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
