my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
