Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
