I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Sober January is a disaster.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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