i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
