Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
