fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
