i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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