if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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