The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
