I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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