Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
