that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize