i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
