remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
