i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize