I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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