haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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