Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
