Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
