It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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