i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Randomize
