The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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