Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
