you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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