I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
