Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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