Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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