His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm really busy with my period
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