I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
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