The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
