Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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