walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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