Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
