Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
