love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
