Im at strip club and am horny
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
