I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We need to rekindle our bromance
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize