do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
How naked do you want me to be?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
