It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
