Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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