what day is it and did you see me today?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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