I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
