I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
