my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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