i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
