There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Your cock deserves a montage
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
