My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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