Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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