sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
