He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
