Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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