Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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