you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
