Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
