I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
