i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
