Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
