oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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