Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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