She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
