the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
