nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
